Wednesday, December 09, 2009

-He Embodies My Faith Into Humanity-

Do you really know where you're going?
Everything is so busy at the moment.

why do you do it to yourself? foolish optimistic
It feels like some sort of obscure virus, in a poxy park...
not sleeping ok / drinking-smoking too much / full of school stuff.
Trapped in microcosm?

The boy disappeared, smiling & staring up in disbelief-
Meanwhile known faces aglow limp complacency, nihilistics / apparently uninhibited "ourselfs" all this time.

Im not hearing straight since i said yes (to say yes to one instant,
is to say yes to all of existence) it bursts into a chain of forced affirmations, until the last line drop disputing the fact of a newdateappliance.
"I will not let this happen"

So, read ( here ) ( here ) & ( here ) ok, i think this is just the beginning, i gotta lay down, i have to be able to see the ground... don't you realize!!?
i just want to hold him cause i need someone to hold me... reason of enough random thoughts: i couldn't breath last night, & you looked so fast asleep that i didn't want to wake you -& I DID NOT WAKE YOU UP- instead i waited at the edge,
nothing that even remotely resembles your head...
my advise: if it ever happens to you, better start naming names,
they'll all come back - to make ends meet.

This is my reasonable point of view with wide emotional honesty.
I just want to be led on until someone starts to miss me,
just like drowning & resurfacing & drowning & resurfacing &...
until somebody hits you
& i replied, what will happen to us now?... anyway, who gives a fuck?
we have lost our minds --- through our hearts.

-So Break Into My Mind-

you know it flows over me, in a simple way: changes, changes, changes & changes
-i'm going through changes-
sometimes u need to break yourself to see things differently
there's always the need to redefine, to think things over & again.
just because we met at dust doesn't mean i can hold the cold.
The shrieking is always standing near to feed us,
i'm on my nees to stare at my ignorance,
in addition (as if it's not enough)
i must isolate him from the choices of a personal demon
It's too late, negotiations are breaking down
Something's got to give this time, i'll let go
my reason: i choose to live... in a fragment of hell

Should I Speak?

That Particular Time
Alanis Morissette

my foundation was rocked my tried and true way to deal was to vanish
my departures were old i stood in the room shaking in my boots
at that particular time love had challenged me to stay
at that particular moment i knew not to run away again
that particular month i was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time

we thought a break would be good for four months we sat and vacilated
we thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
at that particular time love encouraged me to wait
at that particular moment it helped me to be patient
that particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant

i've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
and yet i wanted to save us high water or hell
& i kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
& in the meantime i lost myself
in the meantime i lost myself
i'm sorry i lost myself, i am

you knew you needed more time to spent alone with no distraction
you felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted
at that particular love encouraged me to leave
at that particular moment i knew staying with you meant deserting me
that particular month was harder than you'd believe but i still left
at that particular time

-Red Sand Juxtaposition-

What do you see when you close your eyes?
Today I went for a long walk
-it almost made me forget myself-
after an hour walking alone, without sympathy... i've realized that i'm others, that i could live with cold, eyes wide oen & wide shut.
After a freak long walk, my conception of pain changed, because there were moments i couldn't feel extremeties.

I still love tragedy & it makes me smile

Set me fire
Keep me quiet

we need hints

here me again. To close my eyes in my sleep is only a pretext, i just never wake up, i don't dream, there's something strange, i walk in my sleep, i talk in my sleep, i am in my sleep. Wish i could sell myself but he's already inside me... he don't dare to see inside my eyes

I knwe he was left behind, that i was already walking with a dead man days ago, when he said "we can go on" but i saw a "just like this" in his eyes, i didn't say a word. I put it all in game & there was chance to go back, even though i couldn't see anything & even though after that night, the will end up in middle of the road that leads you there, & i'll just exist.

When i woke up, three days after in a world i forgot, once again i couldn't recognize the woman-body-glown i used to be, the space i attempted to vanish. i hold on in my tremor. It makes me new & fragile, it unmakes me. I should have read in the eyes, i should have realize that my eyes were gonna let you go.

So, here's my proposal, can somebody drain me??
leave me without myself in order to start again. To run all over again

My destiny is to lose, as long as i keep on asking.
I hope someone understands me, right now, when i say -take me-
Then the heart can stop.

she says - right side talks

So memories becomes liquid,
liquid comes in drops,
drops leads me to an absense,
this absense gives me life

So, here's the point, I could tell my story, it comes in circles,
but i think this time is differente, seems like the world is about to rain.
Some may say it's harmless, but have you seen the logic behind a coincidence, a smile, my left side and how it's holding the center of me?

-something had to break-

I an see her crying, thousands of tears falling on my hair, you hit my chest, words are running out, she cant talk bt she wants to say it all, but there's nothing i already dont know. I know you all and still he wants more. I asked her to leave me in my brain, you are a man who can't take this anymore. He's living jut to crush down with any wall, and still he wants us to crush onto his body.

No more, never again, I'm so done.

I know, I'll die wishing more from you, it goes further than the blood, goes further than everything you want, even further than you, it tempts you.

I'm so sick, sick of you, that you are not cure anymore.

indefinite place of my body

Lost the privilege to see things thru that cristal
I forgot the name, cant recall how to get to that panel.

Kudos for RODS who told me to hand on to a word...
write back

why write?

I pronounced a way to keep silence, then h? came...

he never says no
he got that overturned euphoria
i think hes the prove that air have left him,
as if the letters left me without games
can you tell me how each meticulous insomnia leeds me to you,
i wasn't dead, a black parenthesis got thru my back
it screams YOU in all the ways

Between interchange?ble nights, numbers forms a consequence. I dont want to dissappoint him, once again the countless dripping, the uncriptable in front of my eyes drives me impulsive
Can you tell how indifference means forgiveness.
Can you tell wh?t i already know? Can you tell me how t? get t? you?

so, why write? in order not to die

out of sight - out of existance

Already i know from where my fascination for time, from young it was the unique thing that never mattered to me. The minutes happened in row, back & forth.

Now, there's time, when taking pictures in no-man's land, at an inert time, ensures a side effect, an incoherence that engrossed me, i play to lose myself but still, i cant obtain it. The imperfect past leads me to a reconstruction of facts. They keep me hidding in angles, rusty, bitterness and bleeding. Who knows?

There was always something else to leave...

Can you feel it?

1:02 am - Reinventing myself

so, i'm at the end again, you'll know it when you push yourself thru all day 'till it's 1:02 am - passing moment of madness-

being insane is my excuse to stop feeling, being sick and insane it's my perfect way out of standars. to do whatever it takes to make things happen. But i kept ignoring how i felt, how selfish i was.

in an attempt to fullfill his senses, to crash right in the middle of all him, to be a prescribed extension of time, to love him more than what i loved myself... i started reading between lines a science, in theory it gets you nowhere, he was full of colors. he tranlated my life, and it directed me to the end of the world. The binary darkness left me with no option, that man will change a phrase which resonated in my head and it became something nonrepresentable in my tongue, seemed accidental or with thousand points of flight. The prase loses between strange desires or hatreds.